Amber Grace

Our sweet little baby made her appearance on April 30th at 8:48am, she weighed in at 6 lbs. 10 oz. and was 18 3/4 in. long. She was a pretty big girl for being 6 weeks early! What a roller coaster day that was too. So many thoughts to share I'm not even sure where or how to start.

Maybe at the beginning...
It seemed like it took a long time for her to make her appearance, I thought the doctors were being extra slow or maybe it was the anticipation that made it seem like everything was in slow motion. When she did finally arrive, we heard her cry. Which we hadn't expected and totally made me cry. She was here and crying and alive. The team (about 14 people-OK not really) started working on her along with our favorite doctor, Dr. Johnson. She's the neonatologist that is so special to us and really guided us along our journey with Amber in such a loving and caring and  understanding way. We will love her forever!  They could tell immediately that she was not breathing very easily, because she had a lump of tissue and fluid that was over her right eye and carried over to her nose which caused her to basically have one nostril and it did not have a clear passageway. I didn't know this but babies don't know how to breathe through their mouths only through their noses. She was trying her best but it was a bit difficult for her. We knew this could be a possibility. They cleaned her up and wrapped her up and let us hold her and kiss her chubby little cheeks and just be with her while they finished up with me. Alex gave her a name and a blessing right there in the OR. We weren't totally sure how much time she would have and Alex didn't want to miss that opportunity. It's interesting for those few minutes everyone left us alone and it seemed that all the chaos around us just disappeared and it was just me and Alex and Amber for those precious moments while he blessed her and held her.

We moved to a recovery room and I was itching like crazy so they gave me some Benadryl which made me so drowsy and didn't really help with the itching. So while I was sort of out of it, Alex held Amber close and we got to check her out some more. She was so beautiful and sweet. Alex bought her a couple preemie outfits while I was in the hospital, something I hadn't gotten a chance to do. So we dressed her in one of the monkey sleepers that had a monkey hat that matched. She looked adorable, our little monkey. Although she was a little bit too big for the preemie sized sleeper, it barely fit! That's my girl! 

Then they moved us to our regular room, where my Mom, Sister, Mother In Law and Ethan and Abby were waiting for us. As we were headed to the room, Dr. Johnson decided to stop at the nursery so they could put in a feeding tube and that would also be a way to administer medicine. She let Alex go with them, and as they were working on her Alex noticed that she was turning grayish purple and was concerned that she wasn't going to make it much longer. He wanted our family to be able to see her before she passed and asked if she could come to the room, they obliged. When they brought her in she was REALLY purple and I think we all thought she wasn't going to make it for much longer. So they let me hold her while they put the feeding tube in and gave her a little bit of formula. She pinked right up while I was holding her and seemed to be doing pretty good. So we let everyone hold her. Ethan was so sweet, he whispered to my mom while she was holding Amber, "She's so cute!"! He's such a tender hearted little boy!

So as the afternoon wore on, we could tell it was getting harder and harder for Amber to breathe. She would have spells of not breathing well, turning purple and white and then breathing better and turning pink again. They administered pain killers so she wouldn't be in any pain. And Alex held her all day and let me hold her too but mostly it was Alex holding her and talking to her and singing and humming to her and keeping her close and snuggly. 

And finally as the nurses came in to administer some pain killers at about 6:45pm, Alex asked them to check Amber's heart, he knew she was gone. And I knew she was gone. Her sweet and strong and perfect little spirit had gone back to our heavenly home. We could feel it. And even though we were so sad to see her go, we knew that all was well for her. We love her beyond measure and are so grateful she's a part of our family and always will be.

Amber's 10 short hours on this earth have had an enormous impact on Alex and myself and our family. We're grateful we got to meet her and to know her. She was a wonderful gift from our Heavenly Father, and we're honored to be her parents. What an amazing and special spirit she is. We will miss her terribly until that happy day when we will be reunited.

Some of the "team" checking out our girl

 See what I mean about 14 people working on her, notice how she's holding Alex's finger. And look at her little legs, cute huh?

I think you can see the tears in our eyes.

Meeting baby Amber

Grammie Kathie

She had the most delicate little hands.

Grandma Linda

Our little family