Amber's Birthday!

April 30th is Amber's birthday, it's hard to fathom that it's been one whole year since we met and said good bye to Amber. It's very surreal, sometimes it seems like a dream and other times the reality of it all hits me like a ton of bricks. Usually in totally random places or at totally random times, when I'm not even thinking about her and all of a sudden WhAM! I'm reminded of some of the feelings of those hours we spent with her and some of the feelings of when she passed. It's sort of hard to work through how one of the best days of your life can also be one of the worst. Having the great blessing of being the presence of such sweet and perfect little spirit and then it's gone. It's hard to put into words but the feelings are of deep gratitude and overwhelming grief, all rolled into one. But we want to continually honor our sweet baby who touched our lives and hearts and even our souls in a way nothing or no one else could. So to celebrate Amber's day, we spent the day together as a family. 

Alex surprised me by taking the day off of work and we kept Ethan home from school. We spent the morning looking for things the kids could give to Amber we settled on some little stuffed dogs. Then we went and picked out some flowers and balloons and a big pin wheel. The kids were excited about taking all that to Amber's grave for her birthday. They also let a pink and white balloon go. It was fun to see their reactions to doing that, they thought it was pretty cool. 

After spending some time at the cemetery we went to Olive Garden for lunch, this Mama was needing a little comfort food, I think we all were. And nothing says comfort like fettucine alfredo and breadsticks. 

I wasn't sure how I was going to feel on Amber's birthday, I felt mostly happy and good, a little sad and of course I wish we were celebrating how most families celebrate their 1 year olds. You know give them a piece of cake to make a huge mess of the majority of which usually ends up in all the folds of the squishy baby chubbiness that most one year olds have. But that was not the plan for Amber, or our family. And it's OK...We'll love her and celebrate her short life in any way we can. Grateful she's a part of our forever family. Grateful for her influence on our family. Grateful to catch a glimpse of her beautiful spirit. Just grateful for her...

Happy Birthday Amber! We love and miss you!!